Warning: This article includes immature subject matter. It contains no adult language and nudity. However, its use in academic field is strictly prohibited, because it’s solely for entertainment. But if you want to use also can, don’t say I say one!
Clare started this meme all because of the South China Sea which separates East Malaysia from West Malaysia. The big gap in between two parts of the nation causes a very beautiful misunderstanding among the citizens. Here are the frequently asked questions (FAQ) about Sarawak.
Q: Oh, you are from Sarawak! *eyes wide with excitement* So far away! How you people come here ah?
A: We used to swim or ride on crocodile, but now we use travel machine.
Q: Travel machine?
A: Yes, just like vending machine, insert the coins, select destination, bingo, I’m here!
Q: Wow, so advance? You people not live on trees?
A: Oh, that was 5000 years ago! Now everybody lives in walking cities!
Picture courtesy of ARCHIGRAM
Q: Walking cities?
A: Yes, everybody has a capsule house, you can plug yours into any walking cities, walking cities move from places to places depend on schedule!
Q: You guys have electricity or not?
A: Of course, but we call it new power, power generated from Diamonds!
Q: Kuching got airport or you use boat go Johor?
A: Told you already, we have travel machine, we turn all our so called International Airports to Inter Galaxies Hub.
Q: Huh, what’s that?
A: For Space travel lor!
Q: How long if you take bus from Singapore to Kuching?
A: Dammit, how many times I need to repeat, use vending travel machine lah!
Q: Over there got what car?
A: What car? Oh, I think you mean Flying Machine. Cars got few units in Kuching Museum only!
Q: Got road or not?
A: Ever since we channel all our petroleum and gas to Federal Garmen, we never have enough funds for roads, so we invented Flying Machine which doesn’t require any road system.
Q: Then how you guys pack your Flying Car, err.. I mean flying Machine?
A: Oh, since we have no roads and no parking spaces, we use Scale Pistol, just point it to our car, beam and reduce it to 1:100 or whatever scale you feel convenient, and then put it in our pocket, ready to go!
Q: Sound likes you know Doraemon!
A: Ya, everybody has one, our pet mah!
Q: You Bidayuh from Sulawesi there huh?
A: Adoiiiii… come from their mums lah! You don’t know mer?
Q: Sarawak inside Sabah, right?
A: Ya mer? Then Washington inside Kuala Lumpur, right?
Q: Eh? Sabah Sarawak not the same meh?
A: Izzit, oh…. then chicken and duck same lah!
Q: Kuching how big ar?
A: Very big gua cause if all Kuching people wee wee at the same time, banjir (flood) whole Sarawak!
Q: Kuching got a lot of cat hoh?
A: Ya mer? I only know every Sarawakian got one crocodile only!
Q: Sarawak got Malay?
A: I only know OMNO also come here to set up their branches, even people says it’s without official approval
Q: Politic stable or not?
A: Oh, very stable. Just some time the SUCK party got some argument within themselves, you know lah, like husband and wife, quarrel and shake hand on the next day and quarrel again. But, sometime people really can’t tahan (stand it) anymore, start to throw red rockets, so can see beautiful fire work performance lor.
Q: So, you guys there got Sultan?
A: No, all the while we’re ruled by white King Kong, how many years…errr…can’t remember lor!
Q: Sarawak people can speak English?
A: Aboden, but we can also speak HUKASAHUKASA language, and even can BOBO KUCHIKUCHI DODO too, and SUCUBIDODODOO also can!
Welcome to Sarawak! Have a nice day!
P/S: No hard feeling please, for fun only!